My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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