I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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