I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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