I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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