At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize