she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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