This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
