So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry about my life...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
