Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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