you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ruined the universe
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
