i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
