omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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