I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
