The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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