Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm passing your future prison.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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