I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
