is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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