If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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