Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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