Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize