She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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