We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
