I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
