The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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