He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
