You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
