Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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