I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize