does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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