we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
