I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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