I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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