you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
