i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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