I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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