i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
