The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
