I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
