Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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