You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
