She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
