I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
