if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
