I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
