You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
