i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
