I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
