I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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