wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
