dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize