I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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