my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
