There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
