Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
