If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
