By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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