so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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