just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
