a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
smell my finger.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
