if i can run in heels then i can drive
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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