He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
