Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
