I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
