the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
