Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
