Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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