i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
