Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
