Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
