he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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