P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
