if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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